OK, the joke's on me.

Weeks ago I borrowed Colbert's I Am America. And when reading his statement on not selling the book to libraries & no free rides, I laughed out loud. All went well, I was even 2/3 through the book. Then the day before I received an overdue notice, and yesterday the notice of fine followed-- the book was called back 14 days earlier than the original callback date, and I received no reminder in advance. That is 4 bucks I will never see again.

Good work Stephen, no free rides indeed! Now the joke's on me...

I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I have been looking for a song for years, a song of me, a song tells my story. When did I first hear this song I can't remember, but without a second thought it was just another beautiful masterpiece of U2.

Today I played it again, all of a sudden an echo rose in my mind, turning stronger and stronger, finally occupies the whole heart of mine. So now I know, this is the song. A little ironically though, its name is I still haven't found what I'm looking for. Maybe that is why many previous searchings for a definite answer were doomed, and uncertainty is indeed all about it.

I have climbed the highest mountains
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you

I have run I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you

But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire

I have spoken with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone

But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for

I believe in the Kingdom Come
Then all the colours will bleed into one
Bleed into one
But yes I'm still running

You broke the bonds
You loosed the chains
You carried the cross of all my shame
All my shame
You know I believe it

But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for

A Dream

I had a dream about grad school today. The campus was above a high cliff looking over a silver beach and crystal clear, Caribbean-blue water. Offices and dormitories were next to each other on the same corridor, like a mixture of middle school classrooms, college dorms and graduate offices. It was an isolated place, and the only way to leave is taking a bus. I thought it was time to go back to my apartment so I took one. Seeing out of the window, I found road was named 乡愁 (Homesickness).

I miss home, my middle school pals, my adolescence. I am not yet 25 but sometimes I feel my past experiences have already overflowed my memory.

PhD Life

I suddenly realized I have subscribed PhD comics at three different places. Isn't this PhD life a little bit too overwhelming?

I still don't feel it, about the courses I am studying now, the research project, and getting along with others. Seems I am the kind of person that does a lot of contemplation yet always wishes there is more time to think. And now everything just rushes in a haste, making me breathless. It's just like the way I feel about life: desperately want it to be perfect by time slips away leaving no chance even for the most awkward performance.

Starting with both a new school and new culture definitely brings exotic experiences. It is like the sensitivity and curiosity of a child are aroused again and getting new stimuli every day. My eyes are wide open whereever I go. I often wonder how native kids see this PhD thing, but probably it's a lot less exciting or confusing for them. Maybe they don't even really care, there life was less distracted than that of a stranger in a strange land. As back in Tsinghua nobody really cares about the foreign students, they are just foreigners, good to have some new spices around but they never hit the main dish.

But, damn, it's good to have some friends around. Kan complained about his twisted ankle lately. It was worsened because he had to take two hilly walks for a TA class, while nobody would cover for him or lend a helping arm. However, it was the most common scene to see someone with white bandage and crutches in Tsinghua sitting on the back of their buddy's bike and offload their schoolbags to other friends. Loneliness out of the culture barrier is pathetic but could be very true. Though I still believe there is a way to walk around.