时间匆匆地去了
我们却还站在
那个已不存在的地方
2010-12-28
2010-10-14
O Brother, Where Art Thou?
The Chilean miners, after being trapped underground for more than two months, have finally ascent to the surface safe and sound. And the whole world are celebrating their rebirth.
It’s an itchy topic for China, which lose miners in the hundreds each year in accidents. Only that the accidents were not so accidental. Without proper regulation and strict execution, one can almost expect China’s coal and minerals to continue being blood-stained.
Many feel indignant when they compare the Chilean miner rescue to the Wangjialing Coal Mine Flood, which were portrayed as a miraculous rescue by the officials, despite the (reported) 23 casualties. Not only did the Chilean rescue yield more successful results, the way the miners and their family were treated and reported also contrasted the concealment, isolation and media suppression from the Chinese government.
Chinese people wonder why the same couldn’t happen in their own country. Some miners in China expressed envy on the provision of safety facilities and shelters underground, saying only the few largest mines in China can afford similar shelters that are common in Chilean mines. Dwarfed in more ways than one, Beijing has apparently zipped press in the news coverage of the Chilean rescue, and further ridiculed its reaction by over-emphasizing the use of a Chinese-made crawler crane in the rescue.
Mining accidents should never be anticipated. Nonetheless, when it happens, which almost certainly will in China, I hope it could be handled more like the way the Chileans have exemplified for us. I would feel really proud of my country when that day comes, and until then, I just cannot stop asking, “why not?”
2010-06-13
蒸发
你伸出粗糙的手臂挽它
它挣脱不开，竟也依偎入怀
漫长旅途里
命运把轨道铺设
它便伴着列车的隆隆声入眠
岔口一再降临，于是在梦里
奔忙于无数可能的世界：
每一个光亮尽头
都是通往天空的出口
哪怕到站时已经粉身碎骨
亦无碍于飞翔
在三千英尺之上
寂静是唯一的声响
就这样默默作别罢——
我抬头看云的时候
总念想它最初的模样
2009-10-25
Steady Glimmer of Ephemeral Beauty
Living in a place where winter season dominates and spring and autumn together account for less than 1/6 of the calendar year, one would natually complain about the weather. But sometimes, especially when I am driving among the wavy blooming hills in spring or acroos endless woods dyed with of colorful shades in autumn, I realize in amazement how effortlessly these scenes are imprinted on my memory. If only I could indudge myself by doing a road trip once in a while, even as little time as the transitional seasons in Ithaca allow me, I could replay them over and over again throughout the long, shadowy winter months, comforted and longing for their return.
2009-10-01
Toyota might recall 3.8m cars over defective floor mat design
At the moment they announce a "security advisory" to all owners of the affected models to take off their floor mat on the driver's side, and not replace it.
It's another classic example of how problem always occurs at thet least expected place.
It's another classic example of how problem always occurs at thet least expected place.
2008-08-25
Back to Ithaca
It takes a little getting used to to be back, even I was away just for three months.
Not that Ithaca is not nice. Actually, Ithaca is such a beautiful place in summer. The gorges, falls, trees, wild flowers and of course, Cayuga lake. The road trip across CA was amazing. Stanford was splendid with its vast campus, Palm drive and Mediterranean style buildings. Muir woods were breathtaking. But talking about natural beauty, they still fall a bit short of the Finger Lakes area and Cornell.
Everything looks a bit surrealistic, though. The meadow and trees near my apartment are unattended and quiet all day. There are no high ways which in CA are only a quarter mile away from my door, there is no crowd that jam all the high ways in peak hours even some have 5 lanes, there are clouds and thunders in the afternoon instead of endless blue sky, and I see baby deer instead of more IT companies than I can name on my way to the office. This change of environmental setting, more importantly change of pace, makes Bay Area and Ithaca two different worlds.
It's easy to be active, excited and alerted in CA, with so much going on and so many geeks around. And then there is the laid back peace of mind in Ithaca, relaxed and contended for its little window to the outside. I am going to school in a place more for vacation, and spent my summer 'vacation' time deep down in the heart of silicon valley.
Now, sitting again in my office with a nice view of Ithaca downtown and west hills, I want to keep that valley rhythm which is still beating inside me. Viewing grad school from a slightly altered angle and more background, I think I am ready for a busy-than-ever semester.
Not that Ithaca is not nice. Actually, Ithaca is such a beautiful place in summer. The gorges, falls, trees, wild flowers and of course, Cayuga lake. The road trip across CA was amazing. Stanford was splendid with its vast campus, Palm drive and Mediterranean style buildings. Muir woods were breathtaking. But talking about natural beauty, they still fall a bit short of the Finger Lakes area and Cornell.
Everything looks a bit surrealistic, though. The meadow and trees near my apartment are unattended and quiet all day. There are no high ways which in CA are only a quarter mile away from my door, there is no crowd that jam all the high ways in peak hours even some have 5 lanes, there are clouds and thunders in the afternoon instead of endless blue sky, and I see baby deer instead of more IT companies than I can name on my way to the office. This change of environmental setting, more importantly change of pace, makes Bay Area and Ithaca two different worlds.
It's easy to be active, excited and alerted in CA, with so much going on and so many geeks around. And then there is the laid back peace of mind in Ithaca, relaxed and contended for its little window to the outside. I am going to school in a place more for vacation, and spent my summer 'vacation' time deep down in the heart of silicon valley.
Now, sitting again in my office with a nice view of Ithaca downtown and west hills, I want to keep that valley rhythm which is still beating inside me. Viewing grad school from a slightly altered angle and more background, I think I am ready for a busy-than-ever semester.
2008-08-15
Stories about debugging
I have very talented coworkers. I'm not just saying that (I've ended my internship today so there really is no need), I can show you. Here are two examples:
When Neo first came to the company, my manager (also his) asked what he wanted for the first assignment. Without too much thought he answered, 'just give me the toughest bugs'. If you realize how much engineers hate debugging in general, even though bugs were nothing but their uglier babies, you would understand how unusual that was. Actually Neo IS an expert. He used to program embedded system, so playing fire with registers don't scare him; and he's been debugging real time OSes, so exception handling and memory dump can't even make his eyebrows rise. Seeing me using Visual Studio this afternoon, he threw out a comment: " VS is the invention of Microsoft to make programmers even dumber". Then he explained the more efficient way to gain a lot of debugging experiences and learn techniques should be debugging with gdb and hand-generated labels. I am not sure I'm gonna follow that far, but I definitely know whom to look for when I am bugged in the future :)
Filip is a big Worms (the game) fan. He uses that as ringtone for his sms, and that keeps giving me the impression that he is playing that fabulous game behind our manger's back (literally). But acutally he was a very normal engineer compared to Neo. By normal, I mean he dislikes bugs, especially when it was the first thing he got when he came, without volunteering for it. It was tough for him at the beginning, then he managed to find meaning in it and turned much better. So you will wonder what was the trick. The answer would be naming: every bug that goes to him gets a pretty girl's name immediately. So far I think he has two, Cindy and Rachel. He actually explained to me the many benefits of doing that. First, it gives bug a personality, you are no longer staring very hard at a piece of code, you are looking into the (mysterious) eyes of a woman. Second, bugs and girls are both hard to chase, you think you find them here but they are actually hidden somewhere else, or show you a completely new perspective just when you think you 'understand' them. Third, guys never play with the same girl for too long. Filip is finishing up with Cindy now and looking forward to spend more time with Rachel from next week :) What a genius idea, Filip! Let's just wish him luck. For me, I do like the whole naming practice, but handsome boy bugs just don't raise my appetite as much. Maybe I can name them with pet names, you know I never kept my pets for very long, oh well that was some sad stories, which obviously have little to do with this topic. So I'll stop right here.
When Neo first came to the company, my manager (also his) asked what he wanted for the first assignment. Without too much thought he answered, 'just give me the toughest bugs'. If you realize how much engineers hate debugging in general, even though bugs were nothing but their uglier babies, you would understand how unusual that was. Actually Neo IS an expert. He used to program embedded system, so playing fire with registers don't scare him; and he's been debugging real time OSes, so exception handling and memory dump can't even make his eyebrows rise. Seeing me using Visual Studio this afternoon, he threw out a comment: " VS is the invention of Microsoft to make programmers even dumber". Then he explained the more efficient way to gain a lot of debugging experiences and learn techniques should be debugging with gdb and hand-generated labels. I am not sure I'm gonna follow that far, but I definitely know whom to look for when I am bugged in the future :)
Filip is a big Worms (the game) fan. He uses that as ringtone for his sms, and that keeps giving me the impression that he is playing that fabulous game behind our manger's back (literally). But acutally he was a very normal engineer compared to Neo. By normal, I mean he dislikes bugs, especially when it was the first thing he got when he came, without volunteering for it. It was tough for him at the beginning, then he managed to find meaning in it and turned much better. So you will wonder what was the trick. The answer would be naming: every bug that goes to him gets a pretty girl's name immediately. So far I think he has two, Cindy and Rachel. He actually explained to me the many benefits of doing that. First, it gives bug a personality, you are no longer staring very hard at a piece of code, you are looking into the (mysterious) eyes of a woman. Second, bugs and girls are both hard to chase, you think you find them here but they are actually hidden somewhere else, or show you a completely new perspective just when you think you 'understand' them. Third, guys never play with the same girl for too long. Filip is finishing up with Cindy now and looking forward to spend more time with Rachel from next week :) What a genius idea, Filip! Let's just wish him luck. For me, I do like the whole naming practice, but handsome boy bugs just don't raise my appetite as much. Maybe I can name them with pet names, you know I never kept my pets for very long, oh well that was some sad stories, which obviously have little to do with this topic. So I'll stop right here.
2008-07-07
Interesting Street Naming
I was looking for direction to the nearest 99 Ranch Market. Then I noticed at the intersection of E Homestead Rd and Wolfe, North Wolfe Rd is on the south of South Wolfe Rd... If one follows the Wolfe Rd for a couple of blocks to the north, again she will run into North Wolfe Rd after crossing E Evelyn Ave. Interesting... wonder if anybody has seen a similar pattern else where.
2008-06-29
二伯母去世了
她是我爸爸二哥的前妻。今年也就六十出头。前几天骑车经过怀德桥下桥时摔倒，当场昏迷。随后送到医院靠呼吸机维持了几天，但因为摔跤时脑部受伤严重，最终宣布脑死亡。据现场的目击证人说，二伯母是自己摔倒的，没有受到撞击。二伯不是很相信，但是由于意外发生五个小时后才通知家属到医院，当时当地究竟发生了什么，恐怕永远要留个问号了。想给妹妹打个电话，听说她还能承受，我二伯那边，反应估计要更平静一些。
爸爸兄弟四个找的四个对象里，用家乡人爱说的一句话，算是最没本事的，除此之外，估计也算最没有脾气的。二伯母胆子不大，在家说话也没有太多分量。小时候去妹妹家玩，伯母总是很少发表意见，跟我说话都只挑优点客客气气的。做饭洗衣服基本包干。她下岗后在家愈加没有发言权，因为我二伯单位效益也不好，一家人日子很清苦。我和几个堂兄弟姐妹小时候都向着爸爸，想来我妹妹也没有帮她说过很多话。为了挣钱她摆过小摊，当过临时工，后来终于熬到退休年龄可以稍微休息一下。前几年她和二伯离婚了，他俩一直性格不太合，时有争执，好在妹妹长大了，也就无须再维系这个家。离婚时并没有反目成仇，为了孩子的缘故还会在一起碰头或者过年时和我爸爸这面的亲戚走动，但终究也没有复婚。
二伯和二伯母的第一个孩子，一个据说长得很清秀的男孩，因为先天性心脏病一岁多就夭折了。所以二伯后来又有了个比我还小两岁的孩子，就是我的堂妹。这也许也是她心中一道永远的伤痕。当时我还没有出生，其间如何，家里人甚少提及，如今更是不想再问。
二伯母做饭不像奶奶一样有天赋，但是她做的粽子味道很好，每次做了都拿好多给我家，吃了多年白食，从没有想过要用什么东西单独感谢她的勤劳。
在妹妹旧家墙上有一幅他们的结婚照片，那时照婚纱照不像现在这样基本算必修课，比如我父母就没有照。布景衣着虽然平淡无奇，在我看来还是很漂亮的。然而现实褪色得，终究比裱画要快些。
一个最平凡的小人物死了。昨日她火化时，没有悼念仪式，到场的只区区五人。因为她是我的二伯母，所以我有些触动，想写点什么。提笔之下，才发现她的事迹生平，我竟一无所知，生活琐碎，也仅存一二。
有时人生就是如水般寡淡。她教育子女，挣钱养家，交际游历，都不算擅长，对社会贡献不可谓大。她的谨小慎微，与世无争，心地善良，并没有给她带来出世的超然闲适或入世的市井快乐，这世界给她的也不能算多。她努力过，痛过，付出过，获得过，最后生命嘎然而止。但无论如何，她曾经来过。天空一抹云霞，也有她的痕迹。
爸爸兄弟四个找的四个对象里，用家乡人爱说的一句话，算是最没本事的，除此之外，估计也算最没有脾气的。二伯母胆子不大，在家说话也没有太多分量。小时候去妹妹家玩，伯母总是很少发表意见，跟我说话都只挑优点客客气气的。做饭洗衣服基本包干。她下岗后在家愈加没有发言权，因为我二伯单位效益也不好，一家人日子很清苦。我和几个堂兄弟姐妹小时候都向着爸爸，想来我妹妹也没有帮她说过很多话。为了挣钱她摆过小摊，当过临时工，后来终于熬到退休年龄可以稍微休息一下。前几年她和二伯离婚了，他俩一直性格不太合，时有争执，好在妹妹长大了，也就无须再维系这个家。离婚时并没有反目成仇，为了孩子的缘故还会在一起碰头或者过年时和我爸爸这面的亲戚走动，但终究也没有复婚。
二伯和二伯母的第一个孩子，一个据说长得很清秀的男孩，因为先天性心脏病一岁多就夭折了。所以二伯后来又有了个比我还小两岁的孩子，就是我的堂妹。这也许也是她心中一道永远的伤痕。当时我还没有出生，其间如何，家里人甚少提及，如今更是不想再问。
二伯母做饭不像奶奶一样有天赋，但是她做的粽子味道很好，每次做了都拿好多给我家，吃了多年白食，从没有想过要用什么东西单独感谢她的勤劳。
在妹妹旧家墙上有一幅他们的结婚照片，那时照婚纱照不像现在这样基本算必修课，比如我父母就没有照。布景衣着虽然平淡无奇，在我看来还是很漂亮的。然而现实褪色得，终究比裱画要快些。
一个最平凡的小人物死了。昨日她火化时，没有悼念仪式，到场的只区区五人。因为她是我的二伯母，所以我有些触动，想写点什么。提笔之下，才发现她的事迹生平，我竟一无所知，生活琐碎，也仅存一二。
有时人生就是如水般寡淡。她教育子女，挣钱养家，交际游历，都不算擅长，对社会贡献不可谓大。她的谨小慎微，与世无争，心地善良，并没有给她带来出世的超然闲适或入世的市井快乐，这世界给她的也不能算多。她努力过，痛过，付出过，获得过，最后生命嘎然而止。但无论如何，她曾经来过。天空一抹云霞，也有她的痕迹。
2008-06-17
I wanna play basketball!
Watched the 2008 NBA Finals. Saw interns playing basketball (half-court) on campus. Friend surprised by the fact that I started this game 13 years ago.
Having a tender right knee for 6 years almost eliminates the possibility of any serious practice, and even in my dreams this morning, when I was playing again with my best basketball buddies from high school, my dribbling skills failed me as a qualified point guard.
I feel a surge of returning to the court, even just to practice shooting from the rim.
For the record, I also dreamed of delivering a 12-year overdue love letter for my best friend in primary school.
Having a tender right knee for 6 years almost eliminates the possibility of any serious practice, and even in my dreams this morning, when I was playing again with my best basketball buddies from high school, my dribbling skills failed me as a qualified point guard.
I feel a surge of returning to the court, even just to practice shooting from the rim.
For the record, I also dreamed of delivering a 12-year overdue love letter for my best friend in primary school.
2008-04-01
On Tibet Issues
Shortly after Mar 14, the first reaction when I heard the news was confusion. Why did they protest with violence when they now live a much better life than before? Obviously, that is not the image seen by western media. The big gap between what's claimed by Chinese and western world made me dig deeper into the issue.
The whole thing looks like a big conspiracy. Linking politics to Olympics, decorate fancy stories with fake pictures, lies, selective reporting and ignorance. The media make me sick. They have exhibited enough bias during the democratic election, and this time they prove that they can still do much worse.
The slogan of "Free Tibet" shows, to some extent, a lack of consideration. Does it mean that Dalai Lama and monks should again rule the country, and put 95% of the population in serf status as they had been doing until 55 years ago? Freedom is such an appealing concept that we very often ignore the difference between an independent sovereign and freedom of individuals. For me, supporting a government that rules OUT freedom of its people can never be a just course. In the case of Tibet, that kind of ruling was what the exile government was doing, and probably planned to continue if Chinese government did not intervene. Even today, I have no confidence that the returning Dalai Lama actually has a clear plan on how to govern modernly and differently.
A repeated counter-argument against the “freedom” advocates is that if Native Americans feel they might be better off on their own, will U.S. legislation approve their petition to free and form their own country at the proposed "Lakota"? Talking about democracy and freedom as much as they want, the old ugly truth still holds in this case. When it comes to matters of other regions, countries, or continents, the unspoken language is always economic and political benefits every nation wants to take into their own pockets.
2008-03-18
Same Difference
I ran into an old photo of atppp today. It was an old photo taken in 1992, the era when every pupil wore a red scarf and simple clothes. At a first glance it looked exactly the same as my elementary school picture, which stunned me because I don't know him in person. Even after staring it for a while, I still can't escape the feeling of similarity. I see a resemblance to my own childhood buddies on many faces, though I cannot match any of them to a known person. Do all old pictures carry a taste of elapsed time more than their actual content?
2008-03-06
The Milk Crisis
Across the corridor outside our office is the mail room, which also hosts two big fridges. One of them serve CS students and staff dairy products at cheaper prices than on-campus retailers. The way it works is everybody registers an account at the milk czars, and cross-marks on a sheet whenever they get something from the fridge. One can deposit money to her account and has a 20$ credit line if the account is in debt. The prices of each item is slightly higher than its cost in bulk, how much depends on how accurately people report their purchases. Consumption statistics and new prices are published on a regular base.
There was a major trust crisis in the mail/milk room last month. Normally, the reporting rate of dairy consumption falls somewhere between 85% and 95%, and exceptions are very rare. However, after the spring semester began, updated statistics showed 35% items were unreported. It was really hard to believe many registered account holders suddenly decided to take "free rides" simultaneously, especially at a time when prices just reached a historical low. Then the question is, who are they? Since people having the keys of the mailroom are largely constant and completely traceable, it is also hard to believe abrupt changes in the behavior of key-holders. Finally, we will have to turn our eyes on transient population in the building. How people without keys get into the mailroom remain a mystery to me.
The crisis agitated the milk czars and they took action. Warning sheets were stuck to both outer and inner sides of the fridge, with exclamation marks flying around. Prices were raised, sadly. After another cycle in the mailroom, latest stats shows we now hit another near-perfect record, only 1 item was not claimed, giving us a 99.5% reporting rate. In other words, the crisis and counteraction not only stopped emerging free-riders, but also refresh the morals in everybody else.
We have survived the crisis. How long this trend can keep going I am not exactly sure. But the wound is still fresh, as the prices now match retailers' to make up for the previous losses. However, things could have been worse, with the corrupting morals infecting everybody and bankrupting the milk foundation. The equilibrium in the mailroom is fragile. There is simply no proof that we will always bounce back from the edge of breaking down.
2008-02-26
Things I learned here
I have realized that serious cooking for one person is neither very time effective nor appetizing. It takes too long to cook a meal, and after that, too many days to finish. So my passion for cooking has shrunk significantly. Not that I do not want to try new things or make up for the terrible Chinese restaurants here, I just start to accept the fact that fast food and dining halls can be reasonably acceptable in gradschool life.
Cooperation is important. Being too much of a loner, I could be very tough cooperator, and annoying. Discussion and cooperation can be a wonderful thing, you just have to treat others with respect and understanding. Nobody always gets her way, absolutely true even for me. I still have a long way to go before becoming a good team worker.
Winter can be pleasant even it is cold and long. With the snow, the cool breeze (some time blizzard though) and beautiful winter creeks, Ithaca unfolded a wonderland right in front of my eyes. Roads could be slippery and snow inches deep, but you never get bored.
Chinese students speak very bad English. I thought we were bad but not this bad. We are practically the worst, well maybe students from southeast Asia (Singapore excluded) are our fellows. But there are numerous Chinese that speak excellent English, we do not have a persistent accent that cannot be corrected. It's up to each individual.
Americans are more open-minded than I expected, because they are used to multiculturalism. But at the very core of this society, its value system is more conservative than I would have hoped to match its open-mindedness. It's like the difference between de facto and what is right.
2008-02-24
Best Memory in the World
Today's Yahoo! pushes this article to top story section: A man and a woman who can remember every single day in their life like rewinding a movie.
How scary is that?
"Most have called it a gift, but I call it a burden," she wrote. "I run my entire life through my head every day and it drives me crazy!!!"
Quoted from the journal. A burden, exactly. Compared with difficulty to remember anything, remembering everything can be a greater misfortune. Think about elves in contrast to mortal men. Their brains are like a huge pool saving every drop of information that flows in, while normal people have another pipe called forgetting.
Human brains are amazing machinery. The potential in this man and woman probabily lie deep in every one of us, with perhaps one trigger in genes. What are we gonna do if we are bestowed this ability? Are we literally going to be haunted by our own shadows?
How scary is that?
"Most have called it a gift, but I call it a burden," she wrote. "I run my entire life through my head every day and it drives me crazy!!!"
Quoted from the journal. A burden, exactly. Compared with difficulty to remember anything, remembering everything can be a greater misfortune. Think about elves in contrast to mortal men. Their brains are like a huge pool saving every drop of information that flows in, while normal people have another pipe called forgetting.
Human brains are amazing machinery. The potential in this man and woman probabily lie deep in every one of us, with perhaps one trigger in genes. What are we gonna do if we are bestowed this ability? Are we literally going to be haunted by our own shadows?
2008-02-21
Total Eclipse
I saw a total eclipse of the Moon for the first time since I-cannot-even-remember-when. And it inspired me, as well as many others, to search for a song name Total Eclipse Of The Heart. Matching up great.
2008-02-14
Music Genes
After using Pandora for a while, I started to believe music genes do exist. After all, I haven't encountered any really lousy songs during my user experience. What's more convincing is, when songs recur, it is always the same ones that I have sufficient impulse to mark them as 'favorite', even when I barely remember I actually heard it before.
The question is, if this is true, what are the compositions of music genes? How do people use mathematical or logical expressions to relate one piece of music, one musician to another? More generally, are musical genres like races? If most of us are bound to like certain genres of music, are we all born racist?
The question is, if this is true, what are the compositions of music genes? How do people use mathematical or logical expressions to relate one piece of music, one musician to another? More generally, are musical genres like races? If most of us are bound to like certain genres of music, are we all born racist?
2007-12-08
OK, the joke's on me.
Weeks ago I borrowed Colbert's I Am America. And when reading his statement on not selling the book to libraries & no free rides, I laughed out loud. All went well, I was even 2/3 through the book. Then the day before I received an overdue notice, and yesterday the notice of fine followed-- the book was called back 14 days earlier than the original callback date, and I received no reminder in advance. That is 4 bucks I will never see again.
Good work Stephen, no free rides indeed! Now the joke's on me...
Good work Stephen, no free rides indeed! Now the joke's on me...
2007-12-04
I still haven't found what I'm looking for
I have been looking for a song for years, a song of me, a song tells my story. When did I first hear this song I can't remember, but without a second thought it was just another beautiful masterpiece of U2.
Today I played it again, all of a sudden an echo rose in my mind, turning stronger and stronger, finally occupies the whole heart of mine. So now I know, this is the song. A little ironically though, its name is I still haven't found what I'm looking for. Maybe that is why many previous searchings for a definite answer were doomed, and uncertainty is indeed all about it.
I have climbed the highest mountains
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you
I have run I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire
I have spoken with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
I believe in the Kingdom Come
Then all the colours will bleed into one
Bleed into one
But yes I'm still running
You broke the bonds
You loosed the chains
You carried the cross of all my shame
All my shame
You know I believe it
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
Today I played it again, all of a sudden an echo rose in my mind, turning stronger and stronger, finally occupies the whole heart of mine. So now I know, this is the song. A little ironically though, its name is I still haven't found what I'm looking for. Maybe that is why many previous searchings for a definite answer were doomed, and uncertainty is indeed all about it.
I have climbed the highest mountains
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you
I have run I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire
I have spoken with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
I believe in the Kingdom Come
Then all the colours will bleed into one
Bleed into one
But yes I'm still running
You broke the bonds
You loosed the chains
You carried the cross of all my shame
All my shame
You know I believe it
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
2007-11-15
A Dream
I had a dream about grad school today. The campus was above a high cliff looking over a silver beach and crystal clear, Caribbean-blue water. Offices and dormitories were next to each other on the same corridor, like a mixture of middle school classrooms, college dorms and graduate offices. It was an isolated place, and the only way to leave is taking a bus. I thought it was time to go back to my apartment so I took one. Seeing out of the window, I found road was named 乡愁 (Homesickness).
I miss home, my middle school pals, my adolescence. I am not yet 25 but sometimes I feel my past experiences have already overflowed my memory.
I miss home, my middle school pals, my adolescence. I am not yet 25 but sometimes I feel my past experiences have already overflowed my memory.
2007-10-17
PhD Life
I suddenly realized I have subscribed PhD comics at three different places. Isn't this PhD life a little bit too overwhelming?
I still don't feel it, about the courses I am studying now, the research project, and getting along with others. Seems I am the kind of person that does a lot of contemplation yet always wishes there is more time to think. And now everything just rushes in a haste, making me breathless. It's just like the way I feel about life: desperately want it to be perfect by time slips away leaving no chance even for the most awkward performance.
Starting with both a new school and new culture definitely brings exotic experiences. It is like the sensitivity and curiosity of a child are aroused again and getting new stimuli every day. My eyes are wide open whereever I go. I often wonder how native kids see this PhD thing, but probably it's a lot less exciting or confusing for them. Maybe they don't even really care, there life was less distracted than that of a stranger in a strange land. As back in Tsinghua nobody really cares about the foreign students, they are just foreigners, good to have some new spices around but they never hit the main dish.
But, damn, it's good to have some friends around. Kan complained about his twisted ankle lately. It was worsened because he had to take two hilly walks for a TA class, while nobody would cover for him or lend a helping arm. However, it was the most common scene to see someone with white bandage and crutches in Tsinghua sitting on the back of their buddy's bike and offload their schoolbags to other friends. Loneliness out of the culture barrier is pathetic but could be very true. Though I still believe there is a way to walk around.
I still don't feel it, about the courses I am studying now, the research project, and getting along with others. Seems I am the kind of person that does a lot of contemplation yet always wishes there is more time to think. And now everything just rushes in a haste, making me breathless. It's just like the way I feel about life: desperately want it to be perfect by time slips away leaving no chance even for the most awkward performance.
Starting with both a new school and new culture definitely brings exotic experiences. It is like the sensitivity and curiosity of a child are aroused again and getting new stimuli every day. My eyes are wide open whereever I go. I often wonder how native kids see this PhD thing, but probably it's a lot less exciting or confusing for them. Maybe they don't even really care, there life was less distracted than that of a stranger in a strange land. As back in Tsinghua nobody really cares about the foreign students, they are just foreigners, good to have some new spices around but they never hit the main dish.
But, damn, it's good to have some friends around. Kan complained about his twisted ankle lately. It was worsened because he had to take two hilly walks for a TA class, while nobody would cover for him or lend a helping arm. However, it was the most common scene to see someone with white bandage and crutches in Tsinghua sitting on the back of their buddy's bike and offload their schoolbags to other friends. Loneliness out of the culture barrier is pathetic but could be very true. Though I still believe there is a way to walk around.
2006-10-11
Our Time is Up
最近接连两天梦见了爷爷，仿佛是在他临终前的那段日子——爷爷身体很不好，有些发福，脑子也有点糊涂，但是明明白白就在我身边。其中一个梦里，爷爷像往常一样，要给我们讲一个过去发生的故事，但是他忽然忘记了，于是转向我寻求提示。可是我却忽然间断了线索，最后心烦意乱中将故事的结尾当作开头提示了他。我不忍听他说错，一个人走出去，没有把故事听完。当我走回去时，爷爷却已经不见……醒来后的我一时间有些不知所措，好一会儿后才意识到我们已是阴阳相隔。
现实中，爷爷最后的日子，我几乎一直不在他身边。每周都打的电话里，能说的话也越来越简单，无非是晚饭吃了什么、天气好不好。爷爷常常对我的提问漫不经心地略过，不作回答，然后又自言自语一些别的话，我几乎听不懂。再后来，爷爷就不大能说话了，只能爸爸转述他的近况。就这样，一周又一周过去后，我能感觉到他慢慢地沉浸到自己的世界里，直到最后陷入几天的昏迷，再也没有醒来。
爸爸曾经问我，爷爷去世后，他有件事情一直放不下，知不知道是什么事。其实这个问题我完全明白，也曾经想问过他，只是没有勇气开口；那就是，为什么当爷爷最后身体如此虚弱、头脑糊涂的时候，还独自寡居？虽然有人照顾爷爷，虽然离得很近每天都去探望两次，爸爸还是为此深深自责和难过了很久。
我一直以为，自己对爷爷不错，对得起爷爷对我的爱护和赞赏。直到最近被这两个梦所困扰，让我不由得又想起过去。今天一个情景突然闪现在脑海中，给了我重重一击。我想起本科毕业前夕，为科研焦头烂额之际，在实验室外的走廊上给爷爷打的一个电话。那次爷爷跌了跟头只能卧床，身体很不好，心情也糟到极点。爸爸说他对大家都不满意，让我多和爷爷聊天。于是我就在电话里，悉数爷爷的种种幸福，儿孙孝顺，生活宽裕，广游博闻，口福饱享……我说，别人有的您都有了，还有什么可不开心的呢？宽心就好。
当时的我还颇有些自鸣得意，觉得自己这番劝慰很有说服力，现在想来，不仅愚蠢，而且毫无价值。诚然，我列举的东西都不假，可以轻松地将风烛残年的爷爷说得哑口无言，但是我并没有减轻一丝一毫他心中的痛苦。爷爷所缺少的，不是财富、地位、美食或者子女的光明前途，他最大的痛苦，是日渐衰微的身心和失去奶奶陪伴的孤独。而且对于他来说，二者都没有任何挽回的余地了。我们小心翼翼地装聋作哑，不去触碰这两个现实，反而是将他丢到了孤立无援的境地。
我前两天看了一个短片，叫做Our Time is Up。一个衣冠楚楚的心理医生，每天都遵循同样的时间表，清晨起床、从看起来千篇一律的西服、皮鞋和领带中精心挑选当日的行头，看报纸和心理学方面的学术杂志，然后开始门诊——听病人日复一日的倾诉他们多年的心理顽疾，适当地加以同意反复表示自己理解了病人的情况，然后告诉他们，到时候一切都会好的。
变化发生在这位医生本人接到另一个医生电话的那一瞬间，来电的医生主治癌症。此后心理医生不多的日子里，他的生活遭到了颠覆。悠闲的咖啡时间没有了，西装革履让位给了居家的休闲服，门口竖起了此屋待售的牌子。然而最大的变化发生在他和病人之间。他再不满足于耐心的倾听和微笑着劝解。他挑明那个对女人不感兴趣的病人的同性恋现实，劝他去找个男子约会；他让有洁癖的女子站在垃圾箱里读秒；他在为一位怕黑的人门诊时猝不及防地关掉所有的灯；他和一个有受虐倾向的丈夫一起向妻子的玩偶像砸东西宣泄……医生的神色越来越疲惫憔悴，他的病人却奇迹般地在几个星期内找到了多年顽疾的良方——承认现实，说出真相。他们对医生说，谢谢你，谢谢。
如果我知道爷爷最后的日子会何时来临，我还会用些无关痛痒的话来打发每次的电话和见面吗？也许我会告诉他，我知道他有多喜爱我，也会让他把一生的故事都讲给我听。但我没有。那时口是心非的劝说，包括爷爷临终时怕给他制造不安情绪而没有回家的懦弱，都是无可挽回的错。也许还年轻着的时候，不能体会老者的无助。然而我想到当我老去的时候，才发现我需要的不是别人告诉我，我很好，不要烦恼，因为我知道这将不是现实。我需要的不是善意的谎言和乖巧的讳避，这些只会让我觉得自己的无助。我希望那时候有人会对我说：我知道你感觉很不好，我知道生命中有些东西无法抗拒，我知道你内心的怀念和痛苦。但是请相信，会有人陪你走过这段艰难岁月，让你在关怀和爱中平静地离开。我希望有人会在我疼痛地难以入眠时握住我的手，让我在亲人的怀抱里闭上双眼。
然而这一切，我都没有做到。无论对极爱我的奶奶，还是爷爷。我都没有见到他们临终前的最后一面。他们最后的日子里，会不会因为想念而倍加孤单？想到这些，想到我当时自作聪明的举动和千里之外的疏离，眼泪又忍不住掉下来了。当很久以后的我意识到自己曾经多么自以为是地犯下错误时，已经没有任何弥补的余地。
日子飞一般的过去，终有一天，我将不会想起过去就流泪，然而永恒的命运也会降临在我的头上。我很惶恐，不知道到时候会不会有人抚慰我的伤痛，陪伴我的孤独。我只愿自己能把这无穷遗憾中体悟的心痛，用在一切我爱的人身上，当他们需要我时，我会用他们的方式去思索、陪伴。如果我做到了，当我最后的时刻来临，我也会因看见他们的微笑而释怀。
现实中，爷爷最后的日子，我几乎一直不在他身边。每周都打的电话里，能说的话也越来越简单，无非是晚饭吃了什么、天气好不好。爷爷常常对我的提问漫不经心地略过，不作回答，然后又自言自语一些别的话，我几乎听不懂。再后来，爷爷就不大能说话了，只能爸爸转述他的近况。就这样，一周又一周过去后，我能感觉到他慢慢地沉浸到自己的世界里，直到最后陷入几天的昏迷，再也没有醒来。
爸爸曾经问我，爷爷去世后，他有件事情一直放不下，知不知道是什么事。其实这个问题我完全明白，也曾经想问过他，只是没有勇气开口；那就是，为什么当爷爷最后身体如此虚弱、头脑糊涂的时候，还独自寡居？虽然有人照顾爷爷，虽然离得很近每天都去探望两次，爸爸还是为此深深自责和难过了很久。
我一直以为，自己对爷爷不错，对得起爷爷对我的爱护和赞赏。直到最近被这两个梦所困扰，让我不由得又想起过去。今天一个情景突然闪现在脑海中，给了我重重一击。我想起本科毕业前夕，为科研焦头烂额之际，在实验室外的走廊上给爷爷打的一个电话。那次爷爷跌了跟头只能卧床，身体很不好，心情也糟到极点。爸爸说他对大家都不满意，让我多和爷爷聊天。于是我就在电话里，悉数爷爷的种种幸福，儿孙孝顺，生活宽裕，广游博闻，口福饱享……我说，别人有的您都有了，还有什么可不开心的呢？宽心就好。
当时的我还颇有些自鸣得意，觉得自己这番劝慰很有说服力，现在想来，不仅愚蠢，而且毫无价值。诚然，我列举的东西都不假，可以轻松地将风烛残年的爷爷说得哑口无言，但是我并没有减轻一丝一毫他心中的痛苦。爷爷所缺少的，不是财富、地位、美食或者子女的光明前途，他最大的痛苦，是日渐衰微的身心和失去奶奶陪伴的孤独。而且对于他来说，二者都没有任何挽回的余地了。我们小心翼翼地装聋作哑，不去触碰这两个现实，反而是将他丢到了孤立无援的境地。
我前两天看了一个短片，叫做Our Time is Up。一个衣冠楚楚的心理医生，每天都遵循同样的时间表，清晨起床、从看起来千篇一律的西服、皮鞋和领带中精心挑选当日的行头，看报纸和心理学方面的学术杂志，然后开始门诊——听病人日复一日的倾诉他们多年的心理顽疾，适当地加以同意反复表示自己理解了病人的情况，然后告诉他们，到时候一切都会好的。
变化发生在这位医生本人接到另一个医生电话的那一瞬间，来电的医生主治癌症。此后心理医生不多的日子里，他的生活遭到了颠覆。悠闲的咖啡时间没有了，西装革履让位给了居家的休闲服，门口竖起了此屋待售的牌子。然而最大的变化发生在他和病人之间。他再不满足于耐心的倾听和微笑着劝解。他挑明那个对女人不感兴趣的病人的同性恋现实，劝他去找个男子约会；他让有洁癖的女子站在垃圾箱里读秒；他在为一位怕黑的人门诊时猝不及防地关掉所有的灯；他和一个有受虐倾向的丈夫一起向妻子的玩偶像砸东西宣泄……医生的神色越来越疲惫憔悴，他的病人却奇迹般地在几个星期内找到了多年顽疾的良方——承认现实，说出真相。他们对医生说，谢谢你，谢谢。
如果我知道爷爷最后的日子会何时来临，我还会用些无关痛痒的话来打发每次的电话和见面吗？也许我会告诉他，我知道他有多喜爱我，也会让他把一生的故事都讲给我听。但我没有。那时口是心非的劝说，包括爷爷临终时怕给他制造不安情绪而没有回家的懦弱，都是无可挽回的错。也许还年轻着的时候，不能体会老者的无助。然而我想到当我老去的时候，才发现我需要的不是别人告诉我，我很好，不要烦恼，因为我知道这将不是现实。我需要的不是善意的谎言和乖巧的讳避，这些只会让我觉得自己的无助。我希望那时候有人会对我说：我知道你感觉很不好，我知道生命中有些东西无法抗拒，我知道你内心的怀念和痛苦。但是请相信，会有人陪你走过这段艰难岁月，让你在关怀和爱中平静地离开。我希望有人会在我疼痛地难以入眠时握住我的手，让我在亲人的怀抱里闭上双眼。
然而这一切，我都没有做到。无论对极爱我的奶奶，还是爷爷。我都没有见到他们临终前的最后一面。他们最后的日子里，会不会因为想念而倍加孤单？想到这些，想到我当时自作聪明的举动和千里之外的疏离，眼泪又忍不住掉下来了。当很久以后的我意识到自己曾经多么自以为是地犯下错误时，已经没有任何弥补的余地。
日子飞一般的过去，终有一天，我将不会想起过去就流泪，然而永恒的命运也会降临在我的头上。我很惶恐，不知道到时候会不会有人抚慰我的伤痛，陪伴我的孤独。我只愿自己能把这无穷遗憾中体悟的心痛，用在一切我爱的人身上，当他们需要我时，我会用他们的方式去思索、陪伴。如果我做到了，当我最后的时刻来临，我也会因看见他们的微笑而释怀。
2006-06-17
I have a magic pair of sunglasses
I have a magic pair of sunglasses
The sky looks bluer
The flowers bloom redder
And your eyes exactly the same
The sky looks bluer
The flowers bloom redder
And your eyes exactly the same
2006-06-16
Keep Writing
Recently, a girl on newsmth BBS told me she was some sort of a fan of me. I thought she was kidding, but later learned she read my essays written in 2003. To her, theses pieces were resonant and touching. I never thought there could be someone who appreciate my writing, rather than bearing its appearance in public forums/blogs. for I never wrote for an audience, just for myself.
Tonight she sent me a video clip she produced, in which the monologue of the hero and heroine are partly mine. I was not very sure that those were my lines, because they sound like from a distance, from a long, fading past. What has happened since then?
I never finished that series of essays, I still don't feel like picking it up now. But when I watched the clip and recalled her comments, I am pretty sure one day I will continue expressing myself again. After all, maybe I do write for an audience. I just don't want the audience to let me down. But you never know how true feelings can strum another person, and how you can let them see a friend in you.
Tonight she sent me a video clip she produced, in which the monologue of the hero and heroine are partly mine. I was not very sure that those were my lines, because they sound like from a distance, from a long, fading past. What has happened since then?
I never finished that series of essays, I still don't feel like picking it up now. But when I watched the clip and recalled her comments, I am pretty sure one day I will continue expressing myself again. After all, maybe I do write for an audience. I just don't want the audience to let me down. But you never know how true feelings can strum another person, and how you can let them see a friend in you.
2006-05-31
今天是奶奶的忌日
整整四年了，我又一次成了一年级的学生，这四年仿佛一眨眼功夫，但是又发生了那么多的事情。你看到了，会不会和以前一样，原谅我犯的错误，夸奖我的进步？
我想努力做一个让奶奶知道的话也会为我骄傲的人，我更想做一个像奶奶那样做一手好菜、对每个人都宽厚、让每个人都喜好的好人。奶奶，我又想你了，我又哭了……
我想努力做一个让奶奶知道的话也会为我骄傲的人，我更想做一个像奶奶那样做一手好菜、对每个人都宽厚、让每个人都喜好的好人。奶奶，我又想你了，我又哭了……
生命的长跑
一直知道自己是个短跑好手，对长跑却是又怕又恨，成绩也不甚理想。一直为自己的力量、速度和弹跳沾沾自喜，不曾想过去弥补自己的缺点。可是随着生命历程的慢慢展开，我却越来越觉得，生命是一场长跑。
生活中有许多趟冲刺，为了完成一个项目、应付一门考试，熬夜赶工抱佛脚；但是生活中真正重要的东西，比如家人、爱情和理想，都是要用一生或大半生时间，持续不断地去呵护和追求。耐力，于是就显得愈发重要了。
长跑的可怕，在于它有着大大小小的极点，很多时候我们最开始的步履轻盈荡然无存，呼吸急促、脚步沉重，最难过的时候简直生不如死。我怕长跑中极点的滋味，但是当生活的极点到来时，我却告诉自己，必须咬牙坚持。坚持，想起起跑时的踌躇满志，想着撞线时的苦尽甘来，也许只要再挺过这一程，我的步伐就会轻盈起来，极点之所以是极点，不仅因为它难以忍受，也因为它终会过去。
我要继续跑，并且学着去长跑。
生活中有许多趟冲刺，为了完成一个项目、应付一门考试，熬夜赶工抱佛脚；但是生活中真正重要的东西，比如家人、爱情和理想，都是要用一生或大半生时间，持续不断地去呵护和追求。耐力，于是就显得愈发重要了。
长跑的可怕，在于它有着大大小小的极点，很多时候我们最开始的步履轻盈荡然无存，呼吸急促、脚步沉重，最难过的时候简直生不如死。我怕长跑中极点的滋味，但是当生活的极点到来时，我却告诉自己，必须咬牙坚持。坚持，想起起跑时的踌躇满志，想着撞线时的苦尽甘来，也许只要再挺过这一程，我的步伐就会轻盈起来，极点之所以是极点，不仅因为它难以忍受，也因为它终会过去。
我要继续跑，并且学着去长跑。
2006-05-29
正式启用本blog
专发长文酸文和半生不熟的英文。
msn是柴米油盐，wordpress是学海无涯，这个就是深夜静思了。
If the contents cannot be displayed properly (You should see Chinese characters), please choose encoding as UTF-8 and install Chinese fonts.
msn是柴米油盐，wordpress是学海无涯，这个就是深夜静思了。
If the contents cannot be displayed properly (You should see Chinese characters), please choose encoding as UTF-8 and install Chinese fonts.
2005-12-29
Midnight memory
Why do I cry for my grandma even it's been three years since her death?
She's the kindest person I've ever known and she cooked great dishes... But when she left the world I was not by her side, and I know at that time she missed me, because she asked for me, her favorite grand child.
Nanny, if there's karma then you must be a happy little kid again now, for the day you left was the night before Children's Day, and you were then ready to become a little kid again. I believe you'd be happy whether in this world or the other, ever since.
She's the kindest person I've ever known and she cooked great dishes... But when she left the world I was not by her side, and I know at that time she missed me, because she asked for me, her favorite grand child.
Nanny, if there's karma then you must be a happy little kid again now, for the day you left was the night before Children's Day, and you were then ready to become a little kid again. I believe you'd be happy whether in this world or the other, ever since.
2005-09-27
Comments on Sex and the City (part 2)
What kept me in front of the screen is simple-- the reflection of myself in the characters. Basically I believe people can only be understanding only when they recall the same thing in their own life, and fortunately this is not so difficult because humanity is largely the same. As a kid I was wondering if what I thought was peculiar or eccentric, later did I find that many others thought the same, only that they kept silent. No wonder if one successfully speaks for the majority, the echo from them will be overwhelming.
Well it's a bit away from the topic so let's return to the series. Women seldom speak publicly about their private life, while this TV series intend to break the silence. The four leading actresses resemble 4 different types of women, winning a large pool of audience that could find their own image in them. Perhaps you'll be like none of them exactly, but now and then you feel what you think spoken out by one so accurately. Carrie always asks the questions concerning most of us, hence she inevitably becomes popular-- Many, many people claim they're jus like Carrie not because they're small-figured, working as a writer and buying ridiculously expensive shoes, but because they ask these questions. While asking these, we think we are her.
Not necessarily should the four represent all people, as we can see, the four women have quite a lot in common which is not so common among the mass. They've decent job, at least look sleek and have good tastes. And most of all, they have the courage to search for real love. Around them there is a world many couples are just marrying for marriage's sake. They're special for they don't want to compromise. The depression they've gone through touches our hearts and invokes our sympathy, while actually we're sympathizing with ourselves. At the end, all of them find their true love despite the winding path, we need such tales for comfort, and to gain some optimism about our own issues.
As the story comes to an end, Charlotte got her baby's picture, it was a lovely Chinese girl. Miranda, having moved to Brooklin, ran out to find her stray mother-in-law in the street and bathed her tenderly. Convalesced from breast cancer, Samantha lost her confidence in the bedroom and even suggested her boyfriend to make love with other women. Smith did not say a word, he flew back overnight with a bunch of daffodils that hasn't bloomed. His love gave Samantha the courage to finally admit her angst and anticipation. On Smith's return day, the buds fully bloomed together along with their romance. Carrie completely lost herself in Paris, on finding her old necklace, she broke up with the selfish boyfriend of hers. At the mean time, Mr. Big was in that city finding her. The two laughed and rolled on the floor in the hotel after Carrie tripped him to the floor to stop him from fighting with Aleksandr. At that moment the real Carrie and real Mr. Big, revived.
The last episode of season six was a great shot and the fairytale fulfillment of all wishes. When the four reunion in the Big Apple, background music presents an airy pace and rhythm of expectations. The story starts with sex and ends in love. All those who didn't know the answer, who knew the answer but never got it realized, who pretended to not care, who once actually did not care, finally revealed the true feelings deep inside. No matter how much drama or tale the series encorporates, or how much one likes the characters and their ways of life, Sex and City is a story about telling the truth. People just cannot deny a series that is frank.
Well it's a bit away from the topic so let's return to the series. Women seldom speak publicly about their private life, while this TV series intend to break the silence. The four leading actresses resemble 4 different types of women, winning a large pool of audience that could find their own image in them. Perhaps you'll be like none of them exactly, but now and then you feel what you think spoken out by one so accurately. Carrie always asks the questions concerning most of us, hence she inevitably becomes popular-- Many, many people claim they're jus like Carrie not because they're small-figured, working as a writer and buying ridiculously expensive shoes, but because they ask these questions. While asking these, we think we are her.
Not necessarily should the four represent all people, as we can see, the four women have quite a lot in common which is not so common among the mass. They've decent job, at least look sleek and have good tastes. And most of all, they have the courage to search for real love. Around them there is a world many couples are just marrying for marriage's sake. They're special for they don't want to compromise. The depression they've gone through touches our hearts and invokes our sympathy, while actually we're sympathizing with ourselves. At the end, all of them find their true love despite the winding path, we need such tales for comfort, and to gain some optimism about our own issues.
As the story comes to an end, Charlotte got her baby's picture, it was a lovely Chinese girl. Miranda, having moved to Brooklin, ran out to find her stray mother-in-law in the street and bathed her tenderly. Convalesced from breast cancer, Samantha lost her confidence in the bedroom and even suggested her boyfriend to make love with other women. Smith did not say a word, he flew back overnight with a bunch of daffodils that hasn't bloomed. His love gave Samantha the courage to finally admit her angst and anticipation. On Smith's return day, the buds fully bloomed together along with their romance. Carrie completely lost herself in Paris, on finding her old necklace, she broke up with the selfish boyfriend of hers. At the mean time, Mr. Big was in that city finding her. The two laughed and rolled on the floor in the hotel after Carrie tripped him to the floor to stop him from fighting with Aleksandr. At that moment the real Carrie and real Mr. Big, revived.
The last episode of season six was a great shot and the fairytale fulfillment of all wishes. When the four reunion in the Big Apple, background music presents an airy pace and rhythm of expectations. The story starts with sex and ends in love. All those who didn't know the answer, who knew the answer but never got it realized, who pretended to not care, who once actually did not care, finally revealed the true feelings deep inside. No matter how much drama or tale the series encorporates, or how much one likes the characters and their ways of life, Sex and City is a story about telling the truth. People just cannot deny a series that is frank.
2005-08-30
Comments on Sex and the City (part 1)
Despite the sex scenes and talks, this series is in general, about love. The relationships related to the four women, Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte, make up the soul of this drama, which lasted for six years and ended in happiness. Everybody started with a typical metropolitan chaos, wandering and dancing with their feet off the ground, unsettled in their mid-thirties' anxiety. They have decent jobs, lots of recreational activities, handful of love affairs and seemingly casual sex.
Samantha is the oldest among the four, and sometimes even dissolute. She dates numerous guys of virtually every type people can imagine, just to fuck them for one weekend, and no sequel. A so-called 'bad woman' in a Chinese, or probably most moral systems, yet she shuts out the judgements and shut in the fun for herself. Miranda is a terrific lawyer, yet she is always less confident facing the other gender, her neutral personality holds back her appeals to men, and her reasoning, though sharp and completely cool, never finds a way toward happiness or true love. Charlotte has good taste and inborn artistical beauty, yet her eagerness for marriage makes her a little silly and desperate now and then. Carrie is the most fashionable one in the quartet, the speaker of the four in each theme. She's sensitive and insightful, but the ability leads her to bewilderment and pain in her own affairs, again, and again.
But, no matter what they experience, the four will gather for a lunch or dinner, discuss their dates, boyfriends, surprises, or heart-breaking moments, of course, as the title shows, their never ending love for the New York city and sex experiences. Men are coming and going all the time, but in the center of all tornadoes, there's a peaceful corner to talk and hide.
If this is just some fashion show or display of nudity, then it could never have attracted audience for six years. People can see the wrinkles on their faces deepen with time, Miranda gave birth to a baby during the middle of the season which spoils her figure, and curiosity about how people in Big Apple spend their night fades quickly after visiting a dozen of openings, clubs and restaurants. So what keeps me in front of the screen?
(to be continued...)
Samantha is the oldest among the four, and sometimes even dissolute. She dates numerous guys of virtually every type people can imagine, just to fuck them for one weekend, and no sequel. A so-called 'bad woman' in a Chinese, or probably most moral systems, yet she shuts out the judgements and shut in the fun for herself. Miranda is a terrific lawyer, yet she is always less confident facing the other gender, her neutral personality holds back her appeals to men, and her reasoning, though sharp and completely cool, never finds a way toward happiness or true love. Charlotte has good taste and inborn artistical beauty, yet her eagerness for marriage makes her a little silly and desperate now and then. Carrie is the most fashionable one in the quartet, the speaker of the four in each theme. She's sensitive and insightful, but the ability leads her to bewilderment and pain in her own affairs, again, and again.
But, no matter what they experience, the four will gather for a lunch or dinner, discuss their dates, boyfriends, surprises, or heart-breaking moments, of course, as the title shows, their never ending love for the New York city and sex experiences. Men are coming and going all the time, but in the center of all tornadoes, there's a peaceful corner to talk and hide.
If this is just some fashion show or display of nudity, then it could never have attracted audience for six years. People can see the wrinkles on their faces deepen with time, Miranda gave birth to a baby during the middle of the season which spoils her figure, and curiosity about how people in Big Apple spend their night fades quickly after visiting a dozen of openings, clubs and restaurants. So what keeps me in front of the screen?
(to be continued...)
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